Funemployed Day 33: How to almost miss your bus

 “Mom, I know what the this means (flipping his pointer finger up) -- the F Word” “Yeah son, what’s the F word?” “Piss” - Bro as a 5 yr old child. I’ve heard this story 8 million times and it never gets old. It was recounted over dinner on the lawn this evening.

Tl;dr: Lazy morning, killed time for two hours before my bus, almost missed bus, made bus, got home, talked to the dogs, ate bbq, drank white wine, chillaxed.

I will always find a way to almost miss my bus.

Saturday morning started really relaxed. I mozied into the city, then parked myself at a coffee shop near Bryant Park, making sure i was only a few minute walk away from Port Authority. I was in heaven. I had two hours to kill, plus coffee, a green juice, a heaping salad, and my laptop. My fingers were just type-typing away. I got a second coffee, oogled at a cute baby, made a friend in the bathroom from Albania (her shoes were adorable), and I was just living the life of leisure.

I drank coffee number two while reading the powerful, infuriating, and extremely well-written letter by the rape victim at Stanford (if you haven’t read it, you should). I got so engrossed in her essay. She could not have written this better. You have a pit in your stomach as a woman reading this. Honestly, any sane person would have a pit in their stomach reading this, and knowing that the perpetrator got a slap-on-the-hand of a sentence is despicable. Then I looked at the clock. “HOLY SHIT. It’s 2:18pm.” My bus was scheduled for 2:30pm. Holy hell. I gave myself two freaking hours to be on time, and nope. Not my thing.

Shut the laptop, grabbed my shit, ran out the door. The wheels on my suitcase are shot (from lots of wonderful travels), so I have to wheel it upside down on the back two wheels. Then it makes this squeaky noise that’s almost unbearable. I’m hesitant to replace it because I already broke my other favorite suitcase, the one I called “black bean”, this year. Fuck it. Fuck these shitty wheels. I had to run. Part of me was like, well if I miss the bus it was worth it, because that article was so worth reading. The bigger part of me was like, “RUNNNN! Mizzy!” So I ran. I ran straight through Port Authority to the ticket kiosk. Fumbled my wallet out of my purse. Credit card swipe, ticket in hand, ran down the escalator attempting to carry my heavy bag (same bag I left on the security belt last week -- no love) Ran to gate 10. 2:31pm. I made it and thank the lord they weren’t in a huge rush to leave on time. People were still loading their bags on the bus. PHEW. I texted my aunt when I got on the bus. No one is surprised in the slightest when I almost miss a bus, a train, or a plane.

 I made it home to the parents and the pups. 

I wrote the entire ride. I was dizzy by the end. My parents were there waiting to pick me up when I arrived. My dad got new jeans. They actually fit him decently. I felt proud to call this stylish man my dad. “Hey guys from the bus. Look! This is my dad in these nice-fitting jeans and these nike running shoes!” They were all like, “Nice dad you got there.” I know. Mom looked good too.

When I got back to the farm, I greeted my aunt and uncle outside, as well as all of hte dogs. We had some of our extended barn family over for dinner. My unlce just got a new grill, which was just as much of a gift to us as it was to him. He’s a mean bbq master. We had pork chops, cooked to perfection. It can’t get more perfect than sitting outside on the lawn, summer night, eating dinner, petting dogs, swinging in the hammock. I love it. Plus three dogs and a cool cat make everything even better.

I had some great conversations with the dogs.

This is grass

This is grass

My aunt attempted to get a photo of me with all of the animals. This took many failed attempts to get the winning shot.

Nope.  

Nope.  

Nope.

Nope.

Almost.  

Almost.  

Almost.  

Almost.  

WINNER. We bribed them with treats or my feet smell amazing. 

WINNER. We bribed them with treats or my feet smell amazing. 

 

There are always good laughs around my family and extended barn family. Just like I felt sitting on my brother’s porch last week, I was back in heaven -- happy.

Then I went to sleep in my bathroom/bedroom. It’s the bedroom in our house that has a toilet in it. It’s a special place, where you have special dreams. Just like last time I was home I slept like a rock (tiger rock).

 Tha Lord's day. 

  1. Sleep in
  2. Taught my aunt how to use PayPal, EBay, and Craigslist  
  3. Life advice from dad
  4. Life admin
  5. Zoodle