Funemployed Day 46: Can't keep my hands to myself

“Please stay off of rockwalls & out streams, and please touch my butt... wait, what?” - Cousin Crusti properly adopting my "wait, what?" joke of the week. This one of many "wait, what?" moments of our mini golf game. 

Don't even think about climbing on that rockwall you fuckers

Don't even think about climbing on that rockwall you fuckers

Tl;dr: Said,Get out of bed you fucking lazy asshole” in my head, got up, walked on the beach, did a little stretching outside on the deck, laid by the pool like a badass, read, ate whatever was left in the fridge, played mini golf like a pro. 

I woke up with a sore throat so I passed on tennis.

It was super windy out. The waves were all over the fuckin' place. They didn’t know if they were waving forward or backwards, so they just waved their water all around. I went for a walk, Aunt Lasagna, Crusti, and I despite the wind. I was nervous Crusti might blow into the sea, but luckily he’s recently had a growth spurt (phew just before he starts high school). 

He didn’t blow into the sea. His body weight was enough to keep his feet on the ground. We had a nice walk and got to hear about how Aunt Lasagna and Uncle Computer met back in the day at Penn State (We ARE!). He was a nerd, but she thought his afro was cool and he knew a lot about constellations. Aunt Lasagna didn’t know a lot about constellations, so she found this very impressive and sexy. She didn’t say “sexy,” but I added that for panache. 

After our walk, we all got suited up for a day by the pool. It was fantastic. I think every pool chair was filled, the Bud Lights  and champagne was flowing. I can’t stand Bud Light (piss beer), but I would have loved to partake in the champers drinking, but I had a freaking sore throat, so I stuck to iced tea. The sun was shining and it was the perfect day to finish off my base-tan before a month in Europe. 

My dad is wearing a blond wig. 

My dad is wearing a blond wig. 

That iced tea not whiskey, ok. 

That iced tea not whiskey, ok. 

I popped inside and took a shower (thank God, right?), then we had our final dinner together.

The last night’s dinner is usually an interesting hodgepodge of whatever’s left in the fridge. We had 3 crabs, 8 pieces of watermelon, half and avocado, some lettuce, bell pepper, M&M’s, 7 Oreos, a lot of katchup, and FOUR FROZEN PIZZAS. Thank god for DiGiorno. Please never quote me on that. This is the one week per year that I’m allowed to eat this much processed food. Ugh it pains me. My whole family chides me for my “high and mighty” healthy eating, especially kale. I’ll give a little this week. When you have to feed 18 people, half of them young males, I know you have to stick to a budget involving hot dogs and frozen pizza at times.

I was entertained in the kitchen by Aunt Chicken singing the Selena Gomez song, 'Can’t Keep my Hands to Myself, touching her mom while she was trying to ‘cook’ dinner. It’s very very common for us to pick on Aunt Lasagna, because it provides easy entertainment. Here’s a picture collage. There are very few occasions I will use a picture collage, and this is one of them. They aren't even good pictures, but it's still worth it:

She just can't keep her hands to herself. 

She just can't keep her hands to herself. 

So I enjoyed my pizza, followed by some ice cream, to ensure I was in tip-top shape for one of the least physically demanding sports in existence -- mini golf. Yes. We always end up mini golfing. I don’t even like mini golf, but it always ends up being fun. One thing that’s true is that I’m never sillier than when I play mini golf with my cousins, so this makes it worth it. We all have a quirky sense of humor, especially Aunt Chicken, so having her on my team was key. Bro took Snapchat’s the whole time, and Crusti entertained us (because he’s a post-pubescent teen). 

Aunt Lasagna just doing her thing, trying to sabotage my team. 

Aunt Lasagna just doing her thing, trying to sabotage my team. 

Bro made sure every time I was up to swing that everyone knew it was sponsored by mizstunja.com. The whole course knew. We also thought it was funny to cheer loudly in unison, as if someone got a hole in one...when in fact they didn’t. That’s funny stuff, right? Wish you were there. I didn’t get any hole in one’s, but I might have been close once. We’re still not sure. 

Later we headed back to the house and packed up all our shit that was splayed all over the fucking place. We really make ourselves at home here. We’ve already held the house for the same week next summer. I was thinking I should just leave some clothes there in a special bag with my name on it. Maybe I could even leave a note and be like, “Oh Hey, this is Miz’s stuff, read more about it at Mizstunja.com.” Maybe by next year I can promote our house at the Outer Banks and they will pay me with a free week for my family because I’m so famous. A girl can dream. 

This post brought to you by 164 Four Seasons, Lane, Duck, North Carolina.

This post brought to you by 164 Four Seasons, Lane, Duck, North Carolina.

It’s always a bittersweet ending to a fun week. It feels a bit like when you’re a kid and Christmas is over (or when you are any age because it still feels that way for me). I’m very very lucky to have such a fun crew of family, who are whacky as shit, who make me laugh, and who love me without questioning (but do I love them? questioning). Don’t think we are perfect. We ain’t. But we are pretty close. 

Back to NYC for a few days, then leaving for Europe. 

  1. Get up early
  2. Get in the car
  3. Let me dad drive 7 hours, then say “Happy Father’s Day!”
  4. Train back to NYC from Trenton, NJ
  5. Pop home to drop my bag, but my palce if rented by a group from Hong Kong until the next day
  6. Pop to yoga
  7. Pop to dinner with a friend
  8. Pop to Croatian’s