Funemployed Day 43: How to ace the ones you love

"Wait, what?" - Me annoying the shit out of Aunt Chicken. I've been beating a dead horse, saying ridiculous things followed by a surprised, "wait, what?" every chance I've gotten (as if I didn't mean to say said ridiculous thing). I think she secretly loves it. 

Tl;dr: Played tennis with Trace-face, sat on the beach, sat by the pool, finished my book, ate finger-lickin' good ribs, laughed at my crazy-ass family, kicked my uncle's ass in cards.

I aced my mama in tennis.

I just tried my best. I probably didn't ace her, but I'll go with that anyways. We got to the courts at 8am. It was so nice. I really enjoy playing tennis. I can't serve, but I can do everything else that counts, like hitting the ball. It's suck a fun way to get exercise, and I plan to do more of it. Plus, it's good to know how to play tennis when you are retired or a housewife. 

After tennis, we headed to the little shops nearby and got ourselves some cold brewed iced coffee. They did pour-over coffee at this place. I do not have a refined palate when it comes to coffee. I can tell you shit coffee. I can tell you really good coffee, but I don't do the nuances of that in-between area. Just gimme some coffee and I'm pretty much happy with that. I do love coffee. It makes life worth living everyday -- that special gift of waking up and realizing you get to have some coffee. Wow. I love that. 

Then I got my butt out to the beach. 

I had a base-tan to work on. I have a lot of travels ahead of my this summer and I need to look the part. I got to reading my book. Then after an hour or two I switched it up and sat by the pool. This is how it's done. I've have seven years at this house, so I have it down by now. 

I find it funny that sitting on the beach is the only time it's just ok to do nothing. We accept it. If you sit on the couch all day, you are lazy. If you sit on the beach all day, you are not lazy, you are just vacationing. I say if you sit all day ever, enjoy the fuck out of it and appreciate it, whether it's on a couch or a beach. Obviously I'd prefer it to be on a beach, but that's just me.

Tonight's dinner was Uncle Texas's ribs.

He's my Aunt Horse Lady's husband, and he knows how to bbq with style and grace. Damn. Aunt Horse Lady really picked a winner. She met him in TX, and now they live on the family farm in PA. Uncle Texas got a new grill for his birthday, which was really a gift to the whole family. He smoked the ribs before the trip and then slow roasted them in the oven when we were ready to eat them. Yu-um. I don't consider myself very Texasy for a girl who grew up in Texas, but when it comes to good ribs, I will proudly represent the lone-star state. 

Nerdtastic Texan

Nerdtastic Texan

After dinner different family members told funny stories (usually involving some kind of crude bathroom humor) and I sat on the couch and giggled. My dad told a story about coming home wasted and getting busted by his mom. I wish I knew this when I was younger because it may have helped me out in a few sticky situations, like when I needed some ammo of my own. Too late. Those days are over for me. 

Crazy-joe got his name for a reason

Crazy-joe got his name for a reason

Two of the cousins told a story involving a buffet, a lot of prunes, and pants that would not unbutton. You can put the pieces together if you'd like. He will never live this down. 

After dinner I had one of my proudest card playing moments in life.

The first round of "Oh Shit" I tied my Uncle for first place (11 of us were playing, not 3). I don't want to get into the details of the game, but we both played very conservatively and came out on top,. I was feeling proud and ready to bring out the big guns. The next round we played I had the opportunity to throw out my best card early in the game. I decided to be stealthy and hold on to it, playing a crappy card instead.

I waited until just the moment, the last trick, when Uncle Big Dawg was hastily claiming the winning spot and threw out my ace of diamonds. He let out a shriek, "Miz, what the hell! What! You dirty dog!" My dad looked down with pride. I know he was thinking, "Man, I taught her well." It's a card playing moment one will never forget. I'll be sure to remind Uncle Big Dawg whenever I get the chance. 

Then my brother arrived around midnight. I was like, "Hey, good to see you, but I'm going to bed." He was like, "Ok, I don't care." 

I went to bed, needing to rest up for another morning tennis match. 

  1. Tennis with Trace-face and Uncle Computer (ok guys, he's tech savvy and smart, so that's the best I've got)
  2. Beach it
  3. Pool it
  4. Eat
  5. Amazon shopping
  6. Soccer watching