Funemployed Day 41: I'm full of brilliant ideas

"Don't put that in your blog." - My Aunt Mato-head (We called eachother Tomato head when I was a kid) as we were grocery shopping and she was telling me juicy stories. I won't put them in my blog, Aunt Mato-head. Don't you worry.

Tl;dr: Beach life all day, grocery shopping with Aunt Mato-head, made dinner for the huge family, drank a little too much wine and ate a little too much food, chatted with my crazy uncle, and went to bed. 

Aunt Chicken and I are sleeping in the Grandma room this year. 

Sadly, there are no grandmas at the beach this year, so I am doing my best to act like a grandma, reading novels, drinking white wine, and going to bed earlier than all the young whippersnappers in the house. I do love getting a good 8 hours of sleep. Know what I love even more than 8 hours of sleep? 11 hours of sleep. I woke up at 10am on Monday morning. I've practiced sleeping for 27 years, and finally have it down. 

I got up, drank some coffee, and got my butt out to the beach as quickly as I could -- not before I lathered up with sunscreen. I'm particularly interested in protecting my face from the sun. I don't want no wrinkles. I will get them one day. It's inevitable. I'll embrace them when they come, but let's not rush anything. 

I sat on the beach and read a book. 

You all should have been there to see it. I sat my butt down in a chair, got my book out, put it in front of my face, squinted at it because I lost my sunglasses, then I read it. It was pretty exciting stuff. I did this for multiple hours. It was actually rather chilly out for mid-June, so I had my towel wrapped around me, hindering my ability to get that base tan. It's important to build a base tan the first few days at the beach. This is when you are most susceptible to burn, so you must monitor closely. It wasn't a good day for a base tan, but there's always Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday. Things were looking good. 

I was joined by my family members on the beach. My cousin, Crusti, sported an extra-large patriotic cup (the thing has a snack container in the top). 

Big Gulp

Big Gulp

A different family cooks dinner each night. I finally got my shot.

This is my first year to be assigned to cook a dinner. I think this means I'm an adult. I was paired with my Aunt Mato-head. She doesn't cook, but she agreed to finance my dinner. I could get used to this. We headed out to the Food Lion. Aunt Mato-head is the best. She cracks me up, and most of the time she doesn't mean to. Throughout our shopping trip she prefaced every story she told me with, "Don't put this in your blog." That's asking me to put it in my blog, but for now, I won't (out of love for Aunt Mato-head). She is the most fun to shop with, because her response to everything is, "Let's just get it. Throw it in the cart." I made the mistake of getting a small cart. I was magically able to fit everything in it, by the grace of sweet baby Jesus. 

Here's me, in a hat, with a shopping cart:

Wow! Savings!

Wow! Savings!

We got home and got to cooking. I enlisted Aunt Mato-head's help as best I could. Her role ended up being more of photographer and friend-texter than sous-chef, but she was very curious about how to make the dishes, so I'll give her that. Also she's good company. After a while of making a complete mess, Trace-Face and Aunt Back Rub (Blob and Aunt Chicken's mother) stepped in to help. Dinner was a success. I drank a little more white wine than usual, since cooking took so long. Oopsie. 

Then the crazy began. My dad loves to go thrift shopping to pick out random-ass shit to give away to the family. He made up a game. He would show us a prize and everyone in the family would yell out who they thought it should go to. Luckily I got the best one, which was a jar for "brilliant ideas." This pretty much means my whole family knows I have the best ideas out of anyone in the room. This is true.

Full of 'em

Full of 'em

Then I spent the rest of the evening discussing ideas and getting harassed by my Uncle Big Dawg. He has six kids, owns some beer stores, and is crazy as shit. He did have a few good ideas. I'll give him that. I agreed to spend a day later this summer working at the beer store. I think it sounds like a fun idea, and would make a good #blogaboutit moment, so I'll do it. Here's Uncle Big Dawg and cousin Little Dawg convincing me to work at the beer store. Watch at your own risk: 

I got to bed fairly early, with Aunt Chicken in the twin bed next to me. 

  1. Get up
  2. Blog
  3. Get out
  4. Blog
  5. Sit
  6. Read
  7. Eat
  8. More stuff like that
  9. Eat crabs
  10. Play games