Funemployed Day 5: Rebuilding IKEA furniture is a bitch

"I'm not sure. Most IKEA items aren't meant to be taken apart"- Craisglist response when I asked about disassembly of a kitchen island. I beg to differ. 

Tl;dr: It won't be too long so just read it. I slept a lot, then ate, then helped a friend fit a bed through a door, failed at spray painting, and went to sleep again.

Know how to do Saturday right? Sleep through half the day. 

The positive side to sleeping until 1pm when you are trying to lose weight is that you miss half the day that you would be eating. It's a great diet strategy. I got up at 1pm. Oops. Then I made a killer breakfast of eggs, avocado, toast, and tomatoes with a side of coffee. I am starting to love cooking and really want to do more. That shit is simple, but I like simple (on Monday my funemployment mentor is teaching me how to make pasta! Can't wait). I followed up my 3pm breakfast with a Dutch cookie and tea. When a guest brings you cookies, it's a true hostess' duty to eat them. I didn't just eat it, I savored it. I'm trying to do more of that and less of the mindless. 

IKEA furniture is not meant to be taken apart, BUT we don't follow rules. 

I met two of my friends around 4pm to help redecorate a bedroom. If you know my friend Amanda, she's an amazing decorator, organizer, and IKEA furniture builder. The other best thing about her is that she is the best "get shit done" doer out there. If you don't feel like making a decision, bring her along. You will make the decision. 

She and my lady-boss former-coworker friend went to IKEA earlier in the day. I sadly missed this trip by sleeping, but may take a trip there myself soon because it's a magical place. I showed up just in time to watch them build furniture and hold things still while Amanda hammered, measured, and hung (I only had to used one hand and had my hot tea in the other. pinky out). 

The hands-down, best part of the night was moving lady-boss's bed. It's an IKEA bed. We were moving it from her existing bedroom to her new, larger bedroom next door. Once we took the mattress off, we got a view of what we were working with. This thing was a P.O.S. She's had it since college and moved it 2 times already. Last time the movers put it together and there were screws sticking out, plus metal bars that were bent and not even attached to the frame. It was a real scene, this bed. 

Amanda and I were like, "Hey lady-boss, there's literally no way this bed will survive. It's a real P.O.S. Who even put this together? They did a half-assed job". She was like, "My movers did! It only breaks once a month or so! But OMG guys. let's just try to move it". We were like, "No". Then we were like, "Ok, f*** it". 

So next comes 30 minutes of trying to move this bed out of one door and 15 ft away into another door. It started with no disassembly, then minor disassembly as the bed frame was wedged into the bathroom, then even more disassembly with the bed stuck in her new bedroom's doorframe. It was a hoot. We finally made miracles happen by unhooking two corner boards and forcing the frame through the door. There were many strategies discussed and attempted prior to this, and this was the winner. 

Bed corners should be 90 degrees. We stretched that shit to obtuse angles to get it through the door. I was holding my breath, but if my furniture history has anything to show, it's that miracles do happen, especially if you have a handy friend (Amanda or a brother) to help. (I have rebuilt IKEA items many a time including my closet that permanently tilts to the right, as well as a past bed where I duct-taped a board together and installed a fortifying bracket in the corner to hold it in place). 

That's my brother fixing IKEA shelves. He also rebuilt an IKEA closet for me. A living legend.

That's my brother fixing IKEA shelves. He also rebuilt an IKEA closet for me. A living legend.

Once we got the frame through the door, we had to reattach the legs and put a corner back together. Some of those IKEA only pieces were missing and we had all the wrong screws, but with Amanda as our guide, we were in the clear, and we revitalized that bed. We were searching for any screw that would fit. It was to the point where I was like "OMG, look over there on the floor in the hall. There's a screw that might fit! We only need 2 more! Keep looking, girls!". In the end, we did it. It was 11pm then. 

Lady-boss lives in Stuy-town, which I've learned is a gold-mine for trash furniture finds. She found a mirror that I attempted to spray paint gold. I did it in the hallway outside of lady-boss's apartment door. This was a horrible idea. Amanda frowned at my spray painting abilities. Sorry girl. Not the first time she's frowned at me. We've been friends since we were 7. 

Then I went back to my bed. 

Day 6! Mom's day!

  1. Coffee
  2. Write
  3. Call MOM, BECAUSE MOMS RULE! I call her everyday now, because she's retired and so am I. We have so much in common. My mom is the best. Follow her on Instagram @davidandmizmom. 
  4. Walk over the Williamsburg bridge.
  5. Check out bridesmaids dresses for my best friend's wedding.
  6. Room attack with lady-boss and Amanda ROUND 2. 
  7. Candle-lit Yoga taught by a girl I literally met through Craigslist, because I bought all of her furniture. I even have a picture of her family hanging in my apartment, because I never changed it out of the frame that I bought from her (it's cool though, and she had another copy, don't worry!)