Funemployed Day 3: How to find humor in everything, even a gyno appointment

"Your bladder is too full" - ultrasound lady

Tl;dr: Worked on my core at pilates, had an awkward appointment, prepped the pad for some Dutchies, got great news, walked over a bridge, ate more tacos, and saw one of the most odd performances of my life. 

I started my day as any good housewife would.

9am pilates. Not your regular shit. This is spring-board pilates. Yep. It involves a wall with bars, ropes, springs, etc. I love this studio (April Nicole Studio) because they are super focused on proper form. After months of massages and physical therapy for lower back pain, then upper back, neck and jaw pain (quitting your job magically relieves this pain though), I highly value someone helping me with proper alignment. I even saw a spider and didn't flinch, because ain't nothin' gunna break my form. 

They are good. So good. I was at the third spot away from the window, if you want a real vivid picture. 

April Nicole Studios irl

April Nicole Studios irl

Then I wrote.

Then I went to a girl's favorite doctor. Yeah, that one. 

Not quite sure where I get into the realm of TMI, but I had many giggles during this appointment, so I'd like to share. It was a follow up to check on this device that many woman have that prevents them from having babies. It's sort of magical, but also painful as heck to get. So I had to get an ultrasound to check in on things. I was late and walked the wrong way out of the subway, so I rushed in, and was basically seen right away.

I'm going to call the technician Mrrma because I could not understand her, and that's what it sounded like she said. I tried to sweeten her up by complimenting her ring. Not sure that worked. She started doing her thing and said "oh man, your bladder is too full". I said "Well yeah Mrrma, I was writing, then running late, then running the wrong way, then running here, so what do you expect?". So she was like "Ok, just wrap that large cheap-ass napkin thing covering your lower half around you and run across to the bathroom. I'll make sure there are no men out there." No time for pants. This large cheap-ass napkin barely wrapped around me, so here I am scuttering across the hall, bare-feet, bare-ass, because Mrmma was in a god damn rush. I was giggling so much. It did lighten the mood when I got back. All went fine after this. I think she liked me.


After the appointment I walked through Eataly, because I had never been inside. It was magical and filled with Europeans (my favorite). My friend is a manager there. He quit his desk job, and now loves his high energy job there. I said "hey". I wanted to eat there, but I had grass-fed beef marinating at home. This time I made it right, with a side of shrooms and kale. Bam. 

I changed a moldy shower curtain and got some great news.

Then I busted out those Lysol wet wipes, gave my place a scrub, and changed my moldy shower curtain, which I blame for my recent hit in Airbnb ratings (still holding close to 5 stars). 

While cleaning I heard some people in the hall. I peeked out of my peep hole and saw my friend Craig and my trusty old Hasidic broker, Chaim. I didn't know he was coming by, BUT this was AWESOME. He was there to check out a unit upstairs. I live in a 4 unit building. It's like this:

  • Bottom floor: Separate entrance, random neighbors with a kid that I hear every morning. 
  • 1st floor: Me and some random Airbnb strangers of the week
  • 2nd floor: My really good friend (this is amazing)
  • 3rd floor + rooftop: shitty neighbors who don't like that I do Airbnb. 


  • Bottom floor: Separate entrance, random neighbors with a kid that I hear every morning. 
  • 1st floor: Me and some random Airbnb strangers of the week
  • 2nd floor: My really good friend (this is amazing)
  • 3rd floor + rooftop: CRAIG

Wow. Am I living in an episode of "Friends"? I think so. He's also going to buy some of my Craigslist furniture, so this is really a win-win. I could not be more excited. I immediately asked for a key for rooftop access. Sadly, I'll have to wait until June 1st. 

Walking with a friend is good for the soul. 

My retail hours friend came over. I helped her with a cover letter and she gave me words of funemployment wisdom and support, as she is a past adventurer herself. I really appreciate it and admire her adventurous and entrepreneurial spirit. We walked over the Williamsburg bridge together. Then we met a friend, took a ride-share way out of our god-damn way (we learned that there is a 131 7th avenue AND a 131 7th avenue SOUTH). oops. After some Cinco De Mayo tacos, our employed, but soon to be unemployed friend, was like "hey, let's go see my student friend's recital performance at NYU". We were like "ok". 

The performance. 

I cannot do this justice with words. Everything went wrong for this student friend. I felt so bad. It was rather uncomfortable, but the audience was kind and able to find humor in it. I cannot elaborate too much, because I just can't. I give him credit for sticking it out. This was the text exchange post-show:

  • Retail hours: "What a weird and unexpected night.."
  • Employed, soon to be unemployed: "Haha for real"
  • Me: "That felt like a dream"
  • Employed, soon to be unemployed: "Haha YEAH that was some crazy shiet"

I'll just have to leave you in the dark on this one. It's for the best.

I came home late to new Dutch guests. They brought me stroop waffles. I don't think I made any sense when I tried to talk to them, because I was still in recital dream world. They were tired anyways. Dutch guests are usually my favorite. I'll report back on how they stack up.

Days don't matter when you're funemployed, but knowing it's Friday is always cool. 

What's on the agenda for Friday, Day 4? It's chock-full of plans guys:

  1. 7:00am Flywheel spinning class in Tribeca because I want to know what it's like to be rich.
  2. Writing this.
  3. Meeting up with a fellow funemployed friend from Croatia who reached out after I posted Day 1. He said "Holy shit, I'm also recently funemployed and now I'm visiting NYC." I said "Let's hang". Haven't seen each other in two years. That's cool. 
  4. Calling my brother's brother-in-law (or you might say "my sister-in-law's brother"). 
  5. Party in Crown Heights, Brooklyn